He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
