i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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