Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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