i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Holy shit dude........stairs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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