I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A+ Viking dick
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize