He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
