i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
People with herpes should wear stickers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
