i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
