when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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