she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
