Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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