you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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