guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
