were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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