JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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