I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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