Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
