we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
