i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
