New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude. I can hear the air.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
