So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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