You can't special order awesome
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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