I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
