capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
