Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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