You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
