Dude my mom stole all your condoms
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
