There was a lot of him and a little penis
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
