what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
