i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
