If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
