my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
