I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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