Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
