I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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