I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
