Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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