just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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