it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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