My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
