does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
