Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
