they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
