ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
