i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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