I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
