i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
