i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
