so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
did you just send me my own nude
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