Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
