Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
