one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
