i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
