people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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