My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
