i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
