girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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