I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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