The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize