No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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