OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
