He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
