im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she smelled like a LAN party
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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