I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you had me at cake vodka
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize