he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
