God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
