There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
