Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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