the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
