You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
