he shaved USA in his pubs
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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