Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
