Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
