I think I won the penis lottery.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
